


Poisoned love

by Superhero_and_tv_lover_23



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Blackmail, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Drug Use, Hurt, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 10:14:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1775425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superhero_and_tv_lover_23/pseuds/Superhero_and_tv_lover_23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After waking up in a hotel room alone, Charles finds out that he's done something which not only affects him, but everyone else he loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poisoned love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I hope you will like this fic.  
> I want to thank my beta reader Emmagem for betaring my work.

Charles felt dizzy and disorientated as he sat up slightly. He knew he wasn’t in the mansion even without opening his eyes properly as he could hear a lot of different voices, none of which were familiar. Charles couldn’t remember much of last night but he knew he couldn’t have had too many drinks. He would have remembered that! Charles rubbed his eyes slightly as he adjusted to the light. He felt a little scared, if he was being honest with himself. He was naked and alone in a random hotel room (he could tell by the amount of people’s thought buzzing around in his mind). “I wondered what happened last night,” He muttered to himself as he tried to remember anything from the previous night.

 

 

Charles had had a lot of things on his mind recently. He could remember that! The close approaching war and the mutants at his mansion were two of the most important things currently weighing his thoughts down. Maybe that was why he went to the bar that night… To escape and relax. Charles needed some sort of release and chess games and relaxing with a book didn’t quite cut it that night. He had an urge just to go somewhere where no-one knew him at all. He couldn’t remember much after getting to the bar but he hoped he hadn’t cheated. Charles loved Erik more than he had loved any lover before. Erik had a special place in his heart and they had shared so much together already. He told Erik he wasn’t going to get too drunk and Erik trusted him. Charles didn’t want anything to come between them in this relationship. That was probably part of the reason why he felt odd the moment he woke up. There were many things Charles hoped he hadn’t done but he had a feeling he’d done something wrong, even if he couldn’t remember a thing about it. He noticed that the airy room was basked the room in a soft yellow glow coming from the huge window, covered by thin linen curtains, facing the bed. The open door to the small, plain looking bathroom was the only thing not in a soft yellow color. It eased his fear slightly. That’s when he saw it.

 

 

Charles noticed a small, cream envelope with his name hand written on it, on the creamy side table.  He was confused but was a bit fearful of it. He didn’t know what it was, but he guessed it wasn’t from the hotel. The hand writing looked like a woman had written it carefully. It definitely wasn’t from the hotel. He very much doubted that a hotel would be on first name basis with any of its guests. He was intrigued by it so grabbed it slowly as he stretched his body out slightly. He was exhausted even though (from what he could gather) he had been asleep most of the night.

 

 

Charles opened the envelope to find a note and 3 pictures all with little messages under them. The first one was of Charles kissing some unknown woman in the middle of the street. He was wearing the clothes he was wearing the previous night and the woman was wearing a small white mini dress and a pair of high heels. The message at the bottom was **‘Erik will be so happy to see this, won’t he Charles?’** Charles knew the message was taunting him, and he knew that it was probably just someone wanting to blackmail him into giving them some money or something. Charles knew threats well enough but he found himself scared at the message at the bottom. This threat had malice to it which Charles didn’t like. He knew he could never let Erik see this. Erik had very bad trust issues and Charles knew bad things would happen if Erik saw these.

 

 

Charles looked at the next picture which showed him and the woman in bed. Their clothes were splayed all over the floor and the sheet was thrown crumpled at the bottom of the bed. Charles could see that the woman was on top of him, riding him, whilst both naked. He could see his hair was sweaty and all over the place. The message this time was **‘He’s never going to love you again!’** He knew he had to burn these pictures or get rid of them so no-one else would see these. These pictures were very bad news for his relationship with Erik. Yet he couldn’t remember actually cheating. Charles didn’t know whether to feel bad about that or not. The last picture was the worst for Charles. It was a close up of him sucking another man off. Charles looked happy and amused in the picture, but in real life it disgusted him. He looked at the message with disgust as it read **‘Charles the whore!’** but it was true.

 

 

Charles threw the pictures angrily before looking at the letter. It was folded into two and was written on the same paper as the envelope. He opened it with anticipating dread. He didn’t want to read the note but he knew if he didn’t, he would regret it. ‘ _Hello Charles’_ it read. The handwriting was soft and curvaceous as he read on.

‘ _Did you enjoy our night last night? I know I did, so did Azazel.  You were very good but I guess you've had a lot of training, with you going to Oxford and everything. I've heard a lot about that place._

_Can you remember what happened last night, though? I'm surprised by how far you went. It's not every day that someone wants to have a threesome, then single sex with both of the participants and then finally do something completely unexpected. Seriously, how did you have that much energy? I know a lot of people who will be upset to know that they missed out!_

_It could be quite hard to remember because of Azazel. Just saying, he can be very lazy sometimes. Personally I would have had you begging for me to stop but it was Azazel's choice this time. It was a bit more fun though. You didn't even fight back against us. You gave in like the little slut you are!_

_How's Erik? Does he know your ways? I guess he probably he does. It would be hard to hide, even for a telepath._

_You moaned and let us do whatever we pleased. We both took turns with you as you gave us everything we could want. You are very experimental. I know your guard dog of a boyfriend wouldn’t want to share you but we get what we want. Last night, you were what we wanted._

_We took some pictures and copied a few of our favorite shots for you.  You’ll not be the only one to be receiving them though. We can't keep you to ourselves like your stupid lover. You both needed to learn some lessons. Maybe Erik will learn next time._

_Goodbye, Charlie_

_Emma x_

 

Charles felt like crying as he finished reading the note. He still didn’t quite know what he did, but he knew he had cheated. _‘Erik’s never going to trust me again,’_ He thought quietly as he shook slightly. He had been so stupid. Charles tried to calm himself down as he tried to think of what to do next. He knew he needed to get home quickly but he couldn’t go home naked and smelling like a sex crazed student. That would trigger alarm bells amongst everyone in the mansion. He needed a shower. That was his first priority but he wanted to check the time first.

 

 

Charles was glad that, even though he was probably completely high at the time, he took off his watch and placed it on the small cabinet to the left side of the room. That watch was a gift from his grandfather and was easily 30 years old. It was very expensive too but that didn’t really matter much; the sentiment behind it was of more value to Charles. Charles walked slowly to the cabinet as he stretched his back and neck. He looked at the old watch which had a thick leather band and had a gold face. The clock showed a time of 1:30. _‘Wow’_ Charles thought to himself. He was usually up at the crack of dawn and not even Raven woke up this late when she had a hangover. And she often didn’t awaken until past 10.Charles put the watch down and walked into the small bathroom. _‘At least it’s clean’_ he quietly thought as he started the shower up.

 

 

It was about half an hour later when he was ready to leave. Charles grabbed the note and put it in his wallet before he ripped up the pictures and left the mess on the side table before leaving the room which he did with ease. At least the clothes didn’t smell at all. Charles would be trouble if they did. He checked out of the smallish hotel before hauling a taxi. The hotel had already been pre-paid by Emma but he still felt nervous. He was waiting around the front of the hotel for a taxi to drive past when a young man bumped into him. “I’m sorry,” The youth muttered as he ran past. Charles looked at him strangely as the youth ran off into the distance. He quickly got into a taxi which took him straight to his home.  There was little traffic and no disruptions. Charles was hoping this was a good omen. He was hoping that Erik hadn’t found out yet. He hoped it’d been an empty threat and he only felt the guilt inside. He could live with that. He wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt if Erik found out. It would tear Charles apart.

 

 

Then the taxi stopped. Charles reached for the pocket he had put his wallet in and found it had been stolen. “Shit,” He muttered as the driver turned to look at him. “$20 please,” The driver said. “I’ll be two minutes. My wallet’s been stolen. I’ll get your cash, now.” Charles said as he got out of the taxi and ran into the mansion. He grabbed $20 and paid the taxi driver quickly. He walked back to the mansion and saw it was almost half two.

 

 

Charles wanted to hide away. Any evidence he had proving that he hadn’t been cheating willfully, had been taken.  He couldn’t do anything now. He didn’t want to see Erik’s heart shatter into millions of pieces because of something Charles’ had done. He didn’t want anyone to see those pictures or know what he had done on that night but he knew he was already too late. He wanted to hide somewhere private until he could face Erik and explain the actions. But if he started hiding away, he’d never stop. Charles slowly walked down the main corridor. His plan was to get to his study and lock the door but past that he had no idea what was going to happen. Charles knew if he hid, people would go looking for him. That’s if they cared any more. They probably wouldn’t. Charles hoped Erik had no idea of the pictures, but he knew Emma and he knew how much of a bitch she was. He was half way down the main corridor when he felt a hand clasp his shoulder. Charles jumped a little in surprise as Hank said “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you, Professor.” Hank’s voice was soft and sweet. He sounded a little worried but Charles didn’t mind. Charles knew how zoned out he must have seemed.

 

 

“Don’t worry Hank; I was just a bit preoccupied with my thoughts. Anyway, I thought I told you to stop calling me professor,” Charles said lightly. He forced a slight smile on his face even though he was worrying about Erik. He couldn’t face Erik yet. Charles didn’t want to see him so broken hearted. At least Hank bought his fake smile.

“Ok, Charles. I just want you to look through the suits with me, please, because I’d rather have someone check over them before they need to be used.” Hank said quietly. Charles could see Hank had a lot of worries of his own. Charles wanted to at least have a friend at this time so decided to take a look Hank. They walked towards the lab in silence. Both men had too much on their minds to really think about any small talk.

 

Charles was pleased with Hank when they got into the lab. It didn’t really surprise him as he knew Hank was very smart and had an innovative to rival most people, but it took Charles back slightly. “What do you think?” Hank asked quietly as Charles looked at the uniforms. They looked very impressive and wearable. Each had a special feature which made them look even better. Hank was in the corner in a fearful stance as Charles replied, “They look very good, Hank. I’m impressed. But we should test them first.”

" I’ve already tested their bullet resistance and their resistance to G force but I need some help for a few other tests.” Hank added as he walked closer to Charles.

“What other tests?” Charles asked, still looking at the suits. He was still thinking about what happened last night so his head wasn’t really there. “Heat resistance, wind resistance and resilience tests like that.” Hank shifted on his feet a little bit.

“Ok, I’ll help. It’s better to get sort the uniforms out now than to find out that they are faulty during the fight.” Charles said as he faced Hank.

 

 

“Ok,” Hank said excitedly. They conducted tests on one of the suits using a machine Hank created. Charles was amazed at the machine’s functions but he expected great things from Hank. The suits didn't disappoint. They had finished one of the experiments using the suits when Charles felt another presence coming towards the lab. Charles could feel that it was Raven. “Raven’s coming,” Charles stated. As soon as Charles had finished his sentence, there was a loud, violent banging on the door.

“Hank let me in. I know Charles is in there!” Raven shouted through the door. Charles could practically hear the anger pulsing through Ravens’ veins as she yelled. He could tell that it had something to do with the pictures Emma and Azazel took last night. Charles had made her angry before, but this time it was as if someone had killed her best friend. He had never seen her so angry.

 

Hank looked over to Charles as he went closer to the door. He knew Raven would stay outside until either he opened the door or she stormed through. There was no stopping Raven when she was like this. He turned to Charles before he opened the locked door and asked “What have you done?”

“I seriously don’t know,” Charles whispered as he stood up and walked away from the controls and to a desk nearby. He didn’t want Raven destroying Hank’s work because he didn’t deserve that. Hank opened the door to unveil Raven in her blue form. If looks could kill, Charles would be dead by now! Raven stormed quickly to the desk where Charles was sitting. She was wearing a white vest top and a pair of jogging bottoms as she stared venomously at Charles. Her eyes were almost red from rage with passion filled hatred. Charles stayed calm though and asked “What’s wrong, Raven?”

 

“What’s wrong?” She laughed as she put her hand on the desk and leaned against it. There was malice in her voice when she shouted “What’s wrong? You should know, Charles. I’m sure you want to tell Hank about what you did last night, seeing as it was such an achievement!”

“What achievement would this be?” Charles asked even though he could guess what Raven would say next. He knew that she had seen the pictures. He could feel Erik’s pain. Erik had definitely seen the pictures. He hated himself even more now, even though it wasn’t his fault. He had no control over the situation. It just happened.

“Ha, ha, you want me to say them out loud? Well here you go, you broke Erik’s heart. You broke your boyfriend’s heart into a million pieces. I bet you’re so proud of what you have done! I guess you never really cared about him, anyway,” Raven shouted venomously.

 

“No, No. I didn’t mean to. I love him. I couldn’t break his heart like that. I love him,” Charles was on the verge of tears as he replied to Raven. She had voiced what his mind had been shouting at him since he had seen the pictures. He hated himself for what had happened. He stood up to be at her height. He didn’t want to be sitting down whilst she was lecturing him.

“Really? Is that why you slept with two of Sebastian Shaw’s associates? You call that love? You clearly don’t know the definition of the word.” She said harshly as she threw a picture of Emma and Charles straddling each other, on the messy desk. “You don’t love Erik. If you did, you would never have slept with Emma and Azazel. You wouldn’t have!” `Raven shouted. Charles looked at her with a few tears streaming out of his eyes and whispered, “I can’t remember doing this… I was…”

“You were what? Drunk? High? You and I both know that you can handle your drink well enough not to get drunk and we both know you don’t do drugs. You’re too high and mighty for all that shit. So don’t give me you lame excuses because I can see straight through them. I’m near enough your sister; I can tell when you’re lying,” Raven shouted as she slapped Charles.

 

Charles quickly grabbed his face and said, “I’m not lying. Please believe me, Raven.” His hands shaking as his eyes threatened to spill over like a dam which was about to burst.

“You are a fucking liar and a cheat who doesn’t deserve anything. You should just leave now. No-one will miss you, least of all me and Erik.”

 

 

 

Before Charles could even think of a response to Raven, Hank said dryly “Raven, get out.”

“Why don’t you tell that piece of trash to get out?” Raven shouted. She wasn’t looking at Charles anymore but every cruel insult coming out of Raven’s mouth felt like a knife to his soul. He already had tears running down his face by the time

Hank replied by saying “Because Charles is a good man and doesn’t deserve your abuse. Even if he has cheated on Erik, he is still the man who brought us all together.  Just get out, Raven,” His voice sounded slightly stronger and harsher than it had earlier but that didn’t stop Raven abusing Hank.

 “Fine, Bozo. I don’t want to stay in your and your slut’s room, anyway.” Raven said as she stormed out of the room.

“Thank you, Hank, for sticking up for me” Charles said quietly as Hank walked towards him.

 

“Will you tell me the truth?” Hank asked as he dragged a chair over to face Charles. Hank wanted to know the truth about something Charles hardly knew himself.

He took a deep breath before answering, “Hank, I have never lied to you nor will I ever lie to you. I’ll tell you as much of the truth as I know.”

“That’s good enough for me.” Hank said quietly as he settled down on the chair. He could see Raven’s hand mark turning darker on Charles’ face. Hank felt slightly sorry for Charles but he wasn’t quite ready to fully empathize with him yet. He was looking at Hank with his reddened eyes when he asked “What happened last night?”

 

 

Charles didn’t really know where to start. He could only remember the very start and the morning after. There was a whole time period he had no idea about. He guessed if he was going to be honest with Hank, he needed to be honest with himself. “I can’t remember most of it,” Charles started as he rubbed his left hand through his hair. It was one of Charles’ nervous ticks.

Hank looked at him kindly and said, “Just tell me what you know.” There was a soft smile which relaxed Charles slightly.

 

He slowly nodded before continuing. “I went out to a bar. I can’t remember its name but it was high class. I remember drinking one brandy by myself but past that it gets very blurry.” Charles admitted. He was just about to run his hand down his hair again when Hank grabbed it and held it in his own large hands. “Can you remember this morning?” Hank asked quietly as Charles blinked away tears. “I can remember waking up in a hotel room at about midday, if that’s what you mean.” Charles replied as Hank nodded slightly. Hank gave a comforting aurora even though he was pretty silent whilst Charles was telling Hank what had happened. Hank passed no judgment until the end. He was a true friend. Charles explained what he had seen in the envelope and the pictures. He couldn’t really hide it. “Now it seems my life is being ruined by something which I wasn’t in control of. Something which wasn’t consensual.” Charles said before rubbing his hand, which Hank wasn’t holding, over his eyes. 

 

 

“All you need to do is explain to Erik what happened. I’m sure he will understand and won’t blame you for what happened.” Hank said as he rubbed a finger over Charles’ hand. It was a friendly sign, that’s at least what Charles put it down to at the time. He couldn’t handle any more romantic complications. Not at the moment at least. He needed to sort out his train wreck of a love life before wrecking someone else’s.

“Thank you, Hank,” Charles said quietly before getting up off the chair. He stood up and said, “I have to speak to Erik. Like you said, he’ll understand if I explain it. Thank you for letting me talk it through with you first.” He gave Hank a smile before rushing upstairs to Erik’s room.

 

 

 

Erik’s room was on the first floor of mansion with Charles’. There were five empty rooms on this floor but the younger mutants decided to take the second or third floors to have more space. Charles was glad about that now. He knocked on Erik’s door before entering. It was a habit, more than anything else. He walked in slowly and saw that Erik had his back to him. “Erik,” Charles whispered slowly as he walked closer to his partner.

 

“Get out.” Erik cried. Charles could see the half-drunken bottle of whisky on the floor. He didn’t want Erik to feel like this but Charles deserved it. Charles deserved to feel guilty about what he had done. Erik’s face was red and blotchy with clearly defined tear tracks running down them. Charles had never saw Erik cry and he despised the fact that he was the cause of his tears. He bent down to Erik’s level and tried to wipe away Erik’s tears but his hand was swatted away by Erik. “Please, let me explain.” Charles begged.

 

He felt his watch tightening around his wrist as Erik yelled “Why? So I can let you give excuses about why you were fucking Emma. I don’t think so.”

 “It wasn’t like that, Erik.” Charles tried to say calmly but tears were flowing from his eyes.

 

“Was it that you wanted to fuck Azazel but he wouldn’t let you unless you fucked Emma first?” Erik shouted. Before Charles could reply, Erik said, “You know what, I don’t care. You cheated on me. You betrayed my trust and you know what Shaw did to me. You know what I would have done for you. I would have given my life just for you to live. I trusted you not to hurt me but look at what you’ve done. I trusted you with my love but you broke my heart in the worst possible way. Leave now.” Erik’s voice was thick with sadness and tears as he spoke which made Charles feel even worse. Emma and Azazel had ruined his life. His sister hated him and so did his partner. He couldn’t help but feel helpless.

 

“Erik, I didn’t want it to happen.” Charles mumbled

Erik whispered **,** “No, you just didn’t want me to find out.” Charles shook his head but in the end Erik wouldn’t listen and ended pushing Charles out of the room using Charles’ watch. Charles tried to get back in the room but Erik had locked the door.

 

 

It didn’t stop Charles from trying to explain his point to Erik. “Please Erik, let me back in. Let me explain what happened last night. Please.” Charles begged as he slipped down to a sitting position on the door. “Erik, please don’t hate me. I didn’t want it to happen,” Charles said quietly, trying to get any response from Erik. He needed him to understand. Charles wanted to face Erik when he told him the whole story. He didn’t want to tell him the story like this, speaking through a thick piece of wood. “Open the door, then I’ll explain everything.” Charles said.

 

“Just leave, Charles. I don’t want you to explain every little detail of your affair. Just leave. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to love you anymore so please just leave.” Erik cried. It felt like a gunshot to Charles’ soul. He couldn’t bare the heartache he was feeling. Charles needed to go somewhere. He couldn’t stay outside of Erik’s door forever.

 

 

Charles had walked down the main staircase and was on his way to the office when Hank bumped into him. Hank was looking at a file trying to think of how he could improve the suits and Charles wasn’t fully there. He was thinking about how terribly his day had been so wasn’t really concentrating on where he was going.

 

“I’m sorry,” Charles said because Hank dropped his file during the bump.

Charles bent down to help Hank but Hank smiled slightly and said “Don’t worry. How did it go with Erik?”

“Not well, not well at all,” Charles said quietly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hank asked.

“Not at the moment. Where are you going?” Charles asked. Charles couldn’t really talk about what happened with Erik yet. He still couldn’t really believe it yet.

 

“I’m only going to dinner. You should come too. You’ve probably not had anything to eat yet,” Hank persuaded Charles. If it wasn’t for Hank persuading him to go to dinner, Charles wouldn’t have eaten that day. He would have probably gone into his study and drunk until he passed out or maybe would have gone out to his friend in Brooklyn. His friend always seemed to have something to help pass the time in relative peace. Most of the time it wasn’t legal but no-one ever caught them. Charles made them forget.

 

Hank and Charles walked to the kitchen quite quickly. He knew that Raven had cooked meatballs with a tomato sauce for dinner. She was quite a good chef and learnt her some of her skills from dating a sous chef in Oxford. Raven often cooked for the boys and if she didn’t the kitchen would either be burnt down or they would have been eating something very simple such as beans on toast. As soon as they walked into the kitchen together, Charles could feel that the atmosphere had changed. Before it had been quite, light and happy but now it seemed dense and hateful.

 

Raven was at the oven and Sean and Alex were sitting at the large table near the window, on the far side of the room. The room seemingly went quiet as Charles sat down leaving a seat between him and Sean. Charles could see the others giving him evil glares while he could feel his guilt taking over.

 

 “So, how’s everyone’s day been?” Charles asked, trying to lighten the mood. He felt the glares intensify and he knew why.

“Well we didn’t cheat on anyone today, unlike you.” Raven said bluntly.

“It wasn’t like that.” Charles replied whilst looking at her with pleading eyes. All he wanted was for everyone to understand.

 “Well, didn’t you sleep with Emma?” Alex asked Charles. Alex was sitting in the seat opposite him, and saw Charles’ face pale slightly.

“You must understand, my friend that I didn’t want to. I love Erik and wouldn’t do that to him,” Charles said quietly.

 

“Yet you did,” Sean said.It was a simple statement but it summed up the situation quite well. “Was it the first time that you had cheated on Erik?” Alex asked cynically. His voice sounded angry at the fact that Charles had betrayed Erik but it wasn’t as bad as Raven’s had sounded earlier. To Charles, the fact that Alex was asking this question was hurtful. He knew if it was the other way round, Erik would have been criticized but to a weaker extent. Maybe it was because Charles wasn’t as strong as Erik. Maybe it was because Erik wouldn’t have stood for his name to be ruined in such a way. Or maybe it was just because Erik was more respected n the mansion.

 

“Does it matter? For all we know, he’s slept with people in this house. It wouldn’t surprise me! He will sleep with anything that has a pair of legs.” Raven interrupted. Every word from her lips today was a dagger aimed straight at Charles. She glared at him with the most hateful of looks.

Hank stood up and shouted, “How dare you! He’s your brother, Raven. How can you speak so disrespectfully to him, considering all the things that he has done for you?” He looked defiantly at Raven as she came out of the kitchen. She had a glare to match Hank’s as she spoke.

 

“He cheated on one of our closest friends, Hank. I’m sure you’d be outraged too if you didn’t already know his ways!”

“What do you mean by that Raven?” Hank sneered. He was standing up now almost facing Raven.

 

 

“I think you know Bozo. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that you’ve been sleeping with him!” Raven yelled as Charles looked up to Hank and telepathically whispered _“It’s not worth it, my friend. They’re too fixed to the idea that I cheated on Erik with more than Azazel and Emma, which I didn’t. But they won’t believe us. Well maybe with time but not now. But please, whatever you do, don’t tell them what I told you earlier. They won’t be as accepting as you have been.”_ Hank glared at Raven before sitting down again. If it hadn’t of been for Charles, he would have mouthed off at Raven and then maybe would have fought her. But he probably wouldn’t have. He was too good of a person.

 

 Raven laughed. “Oh my god, I knew it. You slept with him. You’re both disgusting whores.”

“Raven, we didn’t. Please don’t judge Hank by your standards. He wouldn’t do something like that. He wouldn’t willingly ruin someone’s relationship,” Charles said. His voice had tremors of depression in it but Charles had tried to hide it well. He knew that Sean and Alex didn’t quite believe him but couldn’t think of Hank being a willing adulteress.

 

 

But Charles could still hear their thoughts. He could everything, stronger and with louder than usual. Charles could hear the sea of questions and accusations floating around in the young mutant’s heads. He could hear the various unspoken accusations and he could hear Erik’s betrayed cries. The voices were getting too much, he had to get out. He needed to get away. Charles could feel his heart hammering against his chest as he got out of the room. He felt sick. This hadn’t happened in a long time. Charles knew that he didn’t have enough energy to battle himself right now so went to the easy option. He ran inside his bathroom and grabbed a pot of pills from inside the mirror cabinet. Charles poured a couple into his hand and gulped them down quickly. He didn’t even look at the bottle as he gulped the white tablets from his hand. It had been such a long time since he had to take those. His mind had calmed slightly but he could still hear everyone’s voices and the pain along with them but he knew them well enough to know they were his. Once he had taken the tablets, Charles walked back into his bedroom.

 

Charles couldn’t stay here anymore like this. He had single handily broken the household. _‘It’s for the best,’_ He insisted himself as he grabbed the large, green, duffle bag from the bottom of his wardrobe. He started by stashing a couple of his favorite jumpers and some outfits into the bag. He grabbed a small bag for some toiletries, but where he was going; he probably wouldn’t use them anyway.  Charles packed a couple of bottles of the expensive scotch he had in his room and grabbed some money, which he hid in case of emergency, before he left his room. He carried the bag downstairs whilst hearing the young mutants in the kitchen arguing. They were arguing about Charles. He could hear Hank sticking up for him still, which Charles thought he was sweet. He didn’t think he deserved Hank.

 

Charles was halfway through the front door when he was stopped by someone. “Why are you leaving?” Charles turned around slightly to face Alex, who had stopped him. “I can hear everyone’s thoughts. I know that it’s going to be better if I leave. Nobody wants me here. I might as well leave.” Charles looked at Alex as he spoke. He didn’t want to stay here when things were like this.

 

“Well, professor, if that’s how you feel, you might as well go. You know that Hank will miss you, though. He really stuck up for you in the dining room.”

“Thank you. Goodbye, Alex.” Charles said as he walked out of the door. “Goodbye, Professor.” Alex said as he closed the door. Charles started to walk out onto the streets of the city. He was going to find a cheap place to stay and then try to relax but it didn’t really end up like that.

 

 

Charles didn’t quite know where he was going. He just knew he couldn’t walk all the way there. He hitched a ride with a young couple from Miami. They were only in New York for a week for a vacation and they planned to find some of the local hotspots. Charles made idle small talk with them until they reached their hotel. Their hotel was beautiful. It must have cost easily $500 a night. It was in the middle of the city and was surrounded by the grey skyscrapers of the city’s skyline. Charles could have afforded it usually, but he only had about $250 on him in cash. He smiled and thanked the young couple while he exited the car and began to walk through the city alone.

 

The voices were getting louder and more abundant as Charles rushed through the streets. He hated this, he was losing his mind. He considered himself lucky, when he heard some desperate drug addicts nearby. Charles followed their thoughts to a local alleyway where he saw a hooded figure crowded by desperate people. Charles tried to blend into the small crowd as the dealer exchanged the poor’s money for various types of drugs. He knew the lengths some people would go to just to take a hit of their poison. He’d seen beggars begging for money whilst he had delved into their thoughts. Most stole or forgot the necessities while being a slave to their addiction. Charles was sure he wouldn’t end up like that, even if there was a small voice in his head begging him to think before doing this.

 

“So, what do you want?” The hooded man said. He was a young addict who was less than the age of Raven. Charles could see the strands of sandy hair poking out of the young man’s hoody as he spoke. “Didn’t you hear me? I asked you what do you want?”

 “Umm…” Charles paused. He wasn’t really sure what he was doing now. He had second thoughts _. ‘What if you OD?’ ‘What would they say if they found you like that?’ ‘You’d bring more upset to your family.’ ‘Don’t do this,’ ‘They don’t really care about you. They want you to die.’ ‘You hurt Erik, you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve to be high.’ ‘You deserve everything that is coming to you.’_ All sorts of thought were running in his head as he said quietly “I need something to help me.”

 

“Help you in what way?” The dealer said. “I need something to help me forget. Something to dull my mind enough that I don’t feel more pain. I need something to stop my thoughts being so… so loud!” Charles whispered loudly. He could hear everything whirling around in his brain as he rubbed his eyes with his shaking hands. He didn’t quite know why they were shaking but he presumed it was nerves or something like that. “Well, I have something which might help, but you should really talk to someone before you think of taking it. You might just need a friend,” The dealer said awkwardly.

Charles looked at him with anger stirring into his vision “All my friends are gone because of me. The pain I feel isn’t physical. I can’t take some pain killer to fix it. I need something more. So you are going to sell me whatever you think will help before your parole officer finds you dealing again. Do you get it?” He yelled with passion.

The dealer looked worried and shocked as he whispered, “I don’t know who you are and what your whole deal is, but I’m not selling to you.”

 

 Charles put his two fingers to his forehead as he said calmly, “You are going to sell me that drug at a cut price right now, or else I will make you destroy yourself and take the drug anyway.”

 As soon as Charles got out of the dealer’s mind, the dealer said hurriedly with panic stricken across his face “I can sell you the drug right now for $50 a gram. It’s some of the purist stuff in the city.”

 “Thank you, Ed. I’ll take two grams.” Charles replied as he got $100 out of his pocket and exchanged it for two small bags with a little bit of white powder in it and a syringe.  Charles started to walk away as the dealer ran up to him and said, “How did you know my name?”

“You told me,” Charles said continuing to walk away. This left the dealer perplexed as he began to think about the whole situation.

 

 

Charles found himself a room in a small motel a few blocks away from the transaction. He knew he had been slightly sloppy by not wiping the dealer’s mind, while he was there but he couldn’t care. He knew better than to take the drug immediately, in the alley. He knew if he did that, he would have been mugged at the very least. Yet as Charles sat in the small room with a faded brown covering all the surfaces, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was sitting on the bed, with one of the bottles of scotch he had brought with him, facing the cabinet he’d put the small bags and syringe on.

 

Charles could hear some of the voices in his head begging him not to do it, but most were goading him on. Telling him that nobody loved him. Telling him that nobody cared. Telling him just to do it _. ‘Just do it. It might kill you. Then that way, you won’t upset anymore people.’_ A vicious voice shouted through his head. The voices brought tears to his eyes. It hurt so much to accept his own defeat. But the voice was right. The little voice in Charles’ head was right. No-one cared about him. Everyone at the mansion was probably enjoying themselves, now that he had left. No-one would care if he lived or died right now. At least this way, he didn’t care either. This would make all the voices in his sick head disappear, just like that. Maybe, for the first time since he had been a child, he would have a peaceful slumber.

 

Charles grabbed a small teaspoon from a drawer inside the cabinet and poured the powder into it. He went to the sink, quickly but stably (trying not to lose any of the precious powder), to add a tiny bit of water to the small spoon. He had seen others who had done something similar. Then he rushed back to the room. He grabbed the lighter from his coat pocket, a thing he always carried, and started to boil the mixture. He loved to watch the mixture bubbled in a sort of glee. He quickly took the lighter away and grabbed the syringe.

 

Charles felt a lot of emotions as the liquid raised up the small piece of glassware. He felt apprehension at the thought of the high he could experience. Yet at the same time, he felt terror at what would become of him. He could have had everything in the world, but Emma and Azazel ruined that. They ruined Erik, Raven, his relationship, his friends (although he felt that most of them were more like family), his everything. He sat down in the small, reddish seat next to the window with the syringe in one hand and the scotch in the other. He could hear all of the life and excitement form outside. He could hear all the hopes and dreams of strangers. He knew there was nothing left for him other than the alcohol and drug in his hands.

 

 

“I really hope this works,” He whispered with tears flowing from his blue orbs. He had one final hope (or wish, really) that if he did overdose and die, someone would miss him. But he knew that was quite unlikely, considering how he had left things.

Charles took off his jumper and secured his belt to his forearm, exposing the vein. He inserted the syringe full of the opiate into the bulging vein and felt everything start to leave his mind. He smiled sloppily as the drug took the full effect. His eyes were beginning to close as he felt a comforting presence enter the room. The last thing he remembered seeing before his sight blurred into nothingness, was a tall figure with glasses and a striped shirt on. Charles smiled as his mind went quiet for the first time in a very long while.

 

 _‘Please my friend, don’t cry over me. Don’t try to save me from the evil that is my soul. Don’t hurt yourself whilst trying to save me from hell’s fire. Please just leave me with my destructive ways,’_ Charles thought quietly as his mind relaxed even further. He hoped Hank heard it but then again he didn’t really care anymore.


End file.
